So I think it's time to tell this story...in honor of Mother's Day (as sick and twisted as it is) this past week.
A long, long time ago when I was a baby stripper doing private parties my partner Rene and I hit the JACKPOT one weekend. 4 parties. F*ck yeah. When you expect about $300 bare minimum, after expense, for each party that comes out to a definite grand (at least). Also, the company we worked for would be paying for some of our gas and our hotel for one night (due to the distance and times of the parties)...If any of you have ever worked private parties through a company before, you know this was too good to be true. Well it was.
What was supposed to be 2 parties on Friday, 1 on Saturday, and 1 on Sunday turned to 3 parties on Friday. That's it. Ok, a little stressful, but completely manageable. We basically had a 1.5 hour limit on each then we had to book it to the next one.
The first party was about an hour and a half away. It was Friday and Rene and I did our usual routine of hanging out, watching movies, and making friendship bracelets before we left. On our way we stopped at Dunkin Donuts and got our iced coffees. Right as we were getting in her car we get a call from the company letting us know that there was going to be another dancer coming to the party, and that only one of us could do it. Because we both had to go to the other parties though, one of us had to sit out the first party. Thanks to senority, I was the chosen one. Oh well, I still two more parties after that.
When we got to this bar we were approached by the best man (the guy throwing the party) and he asked us where our other girl was. We were confused because we were told the party was 2 dancers, but they were expecting 3 *Gotta love reliability in this biz* This was possibly good news for me, because turns out I would be able to dance :)
He brings us inside to the bathroom and we start to get ready. Then TWO women, one older and one younger, both had black hair with blue streaks, walk in the door completely pissed. They were about 45 minutes late because they were given the wrong address. Wait....back up, TWO dancers? (Guess I'm out...again). Well, not only were they pissed about the address thing, they were completely confused. Turns out the company never told them that it was a 3 girl show...they thought they were the only ones. Awesome.
Again, because of senority I had to sit this one out. But turns out that they two other chicks had another party and had to jet in about 30 minutes. Which was great because that still gave me 15 minutes at the end to do the girl-on-girl show with Rene...that's where we made our $$$.
When Rene and I finally get a moment alone she informs me that she's met these girls before and then tells me they are mother and daughter. Which in itself is crazy for the fact that they work TOGETHER. I've heard of mothers and daughters working at the same club at different times...But these women did private parties and they did them TOGETHER! *gag*.
So they all dance as I sit and chat up this Cali-Surfer-Blonde boy wearing a Pink Floyd shift (Swoon!). Then, way sooner than I expect the girls stop. Rene informs me that they're gonna do a girl-on-girl show than peace out...WAIT. WHAT? Not only am I shocked at the news, but also at the fact that Rene doesn't seem totally weirded out by this *I felt like I was taking crazy pills*.
They begin there show. Here's where I'm going to leave out the details...let's just say I had 3 weeks of random spasms from being so traumatized. PTSD = Post Traumatic Stripper Disorder.
After they left we informed the guys. Needless to say they were so relieved I started dancing, and so pissed that they actually thought that was hot for 15 whole minutes...even though I'm sure there had to be at least one guy who still dug it :p
Rene and I do our girl on girl show and jet off to our next party. Which turns out to be halfway decent, but we have to leave right at the end of the hour to get to the third party. That ends up being a scam from the company. Yeah, Rene never informed me that she pissed off the company two weeks back and this was probably them getting back at her. They gave us a fake address and sent us way out of our way...and wouldn't you know it...they didn't pay for our gas because we meet our obligations...
One thing did come from that weekend though, a memory that will be forever scarred in my brain...and I mean scarred.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
A Few of My Favorite Things
I like to think I'm a positive person...I also like to think that we all decide how we want to feel about anything.
In school this week, in my management course, we are discussing job satisfaction. Go figure I scored higher than almost anybody...
As a theme for the week I'm going to list My Favorite Things about STRIPPING (in no particular order)
1. Cute outfits and fun makeup? Yes, please.
2. I think shoes deserve their own number...unlimited potential, reasonably priced, tax deductible, and oh yeah....no woman will understand heel comfort until she's slapped on some Ellie's (I could run a f*cking marathon in those)
3. Flexible schedule.
4. Independent contractors...not employees.
5. My job is a breeze. I get to hang out, dance, and get paid. I can also drink beer if I want to...try doing that at ANY other job.
6. I get paid to Dance! I spent my life training in dance along with hundreds of other girls...most of those girls had to quit because they couldn't make a living.
7. I get paid to workout. I don't have to worry about gaining weight on this job. Almost every stripper I've met eats junk food and still manages to look sexy.
8. Planning vacations and not worrying about the financial aspect, or the time-off work aspect...Done and done.
9. I have enough free time to be improving my life beyond my job. So many people spend their time working and resting... not realizing that if they want to get ahead in life there needs to be more beyond that.
10. When I get home I get to take a hot shower or bath, counting a ton of cash, pig out, and watch tv with my kitty or cuddle in bed with my Hubby...best feeling ever.
11. Every day I get to meet new and interesting people. Sometimes I know that I do make a difference in someone's life...a lot of times people are looking for connection to other human beings. It doesn't have to be sexual, but if the person is hot it doesn't hurt ;)
12. Did I mention I can drink beer? Oh yes, number 5...well I think this deserves two numbers :)
13. I get tipped really well sometimes for knowing the most random crap...finally my "useless" knowledge isn't so useless after all.
14. The girls I work with are so awesome. Everyone has such an interesting story...the crazy ones are great too!
15. I love how there is so much acceptance in a strip club...yes, you hear those cautionary tales of the veteran girls tormenting the newbies. But, besides that, almost anyone can walk in, be themselves, and I'm sure everyone in there has met someone crazier than you :p
16. Random music. I love hearing random songs girls pick out. Sometimes some great ones you forget about.
17. New music. It's nice knowing a lot of music, in a lot of different genres.
18. The fact that you can basically tolerate a little amount of clothing in cold weather...great training for Halloween!
19. Birthdays! I can't wait to have my birthday party at the club! Themed parties with hot girls working to make you more money! How could I not be stoked? We have a ton of birthdays coming up at my club.
20. If a customer makes me upset, I don't have to "serve" them (like I would in a restaurant). I can simply walk away (which is exactly how I handle almost EVERY situation...it's better not to start sh*t with drunk customers).
That's all for now...I'll add more to it later!
In school this week, in my management course, we are discussing job satisfaction. Go figure I scored higher than almost anybody...
As a theme for the week I'm going to list My Favorite Things about STRIPPING (in no particular order)
1. Cute outfits and fun makeup? Yes, please.
2. I think shoes deserve their own number...unlimited potential, reasonably priced, tax deductible, and oh yeah....no woman will understand heel comfort until she's slapped on some Ellie's (I could run a f*cking marathon in those)
3. Flexible schedule.
4. Independent contractors...not employees.
5. My job is a breeze. I get to hang out, dance, and get paid. I can also drink beer if I want to...try doing that at ANY other job.
6. I get paid to Dance! I spent my life training in dance along with hundreds of other girls...most of those girls had to quit because they couldn't make a living.
7. I get paid to workout. I don't have to worry about gaining weight on this job. Almost every stripper I've met eats junk food and still manages to look sexy.
8. Planning vacations and not worrying about the financial aspect, or the time-off work aspect...Done and done.
9. I have enough free time to be improving my life beyond my job. So many people spend their time working and resting... not realizing that if they want to get ahead in life there needs to be more beyond that.
10. When I get home I get to take a hot shower or bath, counting a ton of cash, pig out, and watch tv with my kitty or cuddle in bed with my Hubby...best feeling ever.
11. Every day I get to meet new and interesting people. Sometimes I know that I do make a difference in someone's life...a lot of times people are looking for connection to other human beings. It doesn't have to be sexual, but if the person is hot it doesn't hurt ;)
12. Did I mention I can drink beer? Oh yes, number 5...well I think this deserves two numbers :)
13. I get tipped really well sometimes for knowing the most random crap...finally my "useless" knowledge isn't so useless after all.
14. The girls I work with are so awesome. Everyone has such an interesting story...the crazy ones are great too!
15. I love how there is so much acceptance in a strip club...yes, you hear those cautionary tales of the veteran girls tormenting the newbies. But, besides that, almost anyone can walk in, be themselves, and I'm sure everyone in there has met someone crazier than you :p
16. Random music. I love hearing random songs girls pick out. Sometimes some great ones you forget about.
17. New music. It's nice knowing a lot of music, in a lot of different genres.
18. The fact that you can basically tolerate a little amount of clothing in cold weather...great training for Halloween!
19. Birthdays! I can't wait to have my birthday party at the club! Themed parties with hot girls working to make you more money! How could I not be stoked? We have a ton of birthdays coming up at my club.
20. If a customer makes me upset, I don't have to "serve" them (like I would in a restaurant). I can simply walk away (which is exactly how I handle almost EVERY situation...it's better not to start sh*t with drunk customers).
That's all for now...I'll add more to it later!
My Stripper Bag
I believe that there is no such thing as being over prepared. Because I started stripping at private parties, and then traveling a few hours to dance in clubs I had to be ULTRA prepared. A couple weeks ago one of the girls came up to ask me for some Neosporin in front of a manager. We got to talking and the manager actually applauded me on how prepared I really am...So for those of you who want to know, this is what's in my stripper bag/locker:
Locker:
*deodorant, foot spray, perfumes, and body sprays (for that fresh STRIPPER smell <3)
*hand sanitizer
*scotch tape (TIP: removes glitter from your skin!)
*baby wipes!!!
*Lysol spray
Big bag:
*Blanket (to sit on in the dressing room...it can also get cold back there)
*Book, ipod, Mini notepad and pens (to leave love notes)
*straightener and/or curler
*slippers, fuzzy socks, or something else comfy for my feet
*golf ball (for massaging my feet)
*any clothes I am bringing home/back for cleaning
*change purse (to carry my stuff around when I feel like it)
Makeup Bag:
*foundation, green concealer (reduces redness)
*make up sponges and brushes (including combination eyebrow and eyelash comb), tweezers
*mini scissors, mini sewing kit (with safety pins), super glue
*neosporin, bandaids, new skin
*extra extra tampons
*eyeshadows and eyeliners (liquids and pencils)
*eyedrops (makeup can give you bloodshot eyes....stoner eyes aren't sexy)
*hairspray, vaseline, lotion,
*mascara, fake eyelashes, eyelash glue, little nail gems (glue them on your eyes or eyebrows with eyelash glue..PRETTY!)
*GLITTER!
*comb, brush, hair clips, bobby pins, hair ties (I will put my hair up at the end of the night sometimes...guys seem to like this after they've seen you with your hair down all night)
*jewelry
*dental floss and peppermint oil (helps get rid of headaches and bad breath!)
*lemon oil (for break outs), lavender oil (for razor burn), arnica oil (for bruises)...I like natural stuff
*lipsticks and lipgloss
I buy travel sizes for the stuff I carry around... that way I only end up carrying a small tote and a makeup bag...I'm like the Mary F*cking Poppins of the stripper world.
Locker:
*deodorant, foot spray, perfumes, and body sprays (for that fresh STRIPPER smell <3)
*hand sanitizer
*scotch tape (TIP: removes glitter from your skin!)
*baby wipes!!!
*Lysol spray
Big bag:
*Blanket (to sit on in the dressing room...it can also get cold back there)
*Book, ipod, Mini notepad and pens (to leave love notes)
*straightener and/or curler
*slippers, fuzzy socks, or something else comfy for my feet
*golf ball (for massaging my feet)
*any clothes I am bringing home/back for cleaning
*change purse (to carry my stuff around when I feel like it)
Makeup Bag:
*foundation, green concealer (reduces redness)
*make up sponges and brushes (including combination eyebrow and eyelash comb), tweezers
*mini scissors, mini sewing kit (with safety pins), super glue
*neosporin, bandaids, new skin
*extra extra tampons
*eyeshadows and eyeliners (liquids and pencils)
*eyedrops (makeup can give you bloodshot eyes....stoner eyes aren't sexy)
*hairspray, vaseline, lotion,
*mascara, fake eyelashes, eyelash glue, little nail gems (glue them on your eyes or eyebrows with eyelash glue..PRETTY!)
*GLITTER!
*comb, brush, hair clips, bobby pins, hair ties (I will put my hair up at the end of the night sometimes...guys seem to like this after they've seen you with your hair down all night)
*jewelry
*dental floss and peppermint oil (helps get rid of headaches and bad breath!)
*lemon oil (for break outs), lavender oil (for razor burn), arnica oil (for bruises)...I like natural stuff
*lipsticks and lipgloss
I buy travel sizes for the stuff I carry around... that way I only end up carrying a small tote and a makeup bag...I'm like the Mary F*cking Poppins of the stripper world.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Stripper Ettiquette
I want to put together a stripper ettiquette book. Girls (and guys) send me some of your stripper ettiquette!
Exhaustion
Strapping on 7 inch heels, plastering on makeup, squeezing into tiny booty shorts, and flat ironing your hair like you used to in middle school can get exhausting. Add in anywhere from 8-9-30 sets a night and you will be more tired and achy than you thought possible. Then...think about the drama, the excitement, the boredom, and the endless amounts of smiles and "thank yous". You have yourself a recipe of breakdown.
Everyone in the business goes through it. When you have to take a couple weeks off simply for recovery. Lately when I have to pick something up off the ground, I feel like I need a cane to get back up. I have knots in the my feet that would make a grown man cry. And to add to that I started my period this week.
I left my typical long shift early tonight because I was literally about to fall asleep walking to the stage. I could barely keep my eyes open. I don't think I've ever felt this tired in my life...and I was a dance major in college!
I have changed my schedule once again, which is now just 3 days a week. I'm off four days in a row now too. This may be a needed temporary change in schedule for my sanity...the other one someone called me "jaded" for the first time. Eeek!
Everyone in the business goes through it. When you have to take a couple weeks off simply for recovery. Lately when I have to pick something up off the ground, I feel like I need a cane to get back up. I have knots in the my feet that would make a grown man cry. And to add to that I started my period this week.
I left my typical long shift early tonight because I was literally about to fall asleep walking to the stage. I could barely keep my eyes open. I don't think I've ever felt this tired in my life...and I was a dance major in college!
I have changed my schedule once again, which is now just 3 days a week. I'm off four days in a row now too. This may be a needed temporary change in schedule for my sanity...the other one someone called me "jaded" for the first time. Eeek!
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