Hello Again

Been MIA for a few days...starting school this next week, finding another PT job (don't worry, I'm not leaving the world of glitter and boobies!), and trying to figure out a bunch of other bullsh*t (good and bad) in my life.


This past week at the club has been FANTASTICAL for Kiki :D Good money, good people, good times! That's really all there is to say. Nothing too exciting happened for me and some of the drama that was happening at the club seemed to have subsided (though I try not to get involved anyway). I've been bonding more with the girls lately and loving them more and more. 


Thank you for everyone for being so kick-ass and I'll have some more exciting posts for you all soon!


P.S. I'm now on Twitter, so follow me! Just look for Kiki :)

Tax Write Offs

It's everyone's favorite time of year! I just filed my 2010 tax return and started working on my taxes for 2011. For the first time the majority of my income will come from self-employment. Things can get tricky. I went with a butt-load of questions for the tax guy. After 5 hours at H&R Block I've gotten all my bullsh*t straightened out. 


You know you have an awesome job when you can write off dance classes, makeup, shoes, and lingerie*...just sayin'


*Do not take my word for anything related to taxes. Please speak to a professional about your individual taxes. I don't want to be held accountable for other people's crap...my own is hard enough

Story Time: My First Real Encounter with the Police AKA My First Private Party

I'm going to attempt to make this long story short.

Once upon a time, before my stripping days I was dating this as*hole guy who controlled my every move in life. Luckily one day, I woke up from the nightmare that was my life and dumped the tool. There were a select few good things that came out of that relationship, and one of them was that he introduced me to Rene*. Rene was a stripper that only did private parties (there were no clubs in the area where we lived).

Rene had asked me a couple times while I was dating this d-bag to strip with her (of course he would never let me...he was too insecure). Well, when I finally became a single lady, you bet your as* I was eager to learn more about the mystery world of naked, dancing ladies. I had always been fascinated by the concept...it was now or never.

I went to watch a show first to make sure that it was something I wanted to do. I decided it was a GO and the next step was to wait for Rene to get a party booked through her company. Well, it was a slow time of year and the company wasn't sending her any business (I also have an inkling that she was on bad terms for a few weeks cause her "relationship" with the company owner was questionable). She happened to stumbled upon an ad on Craigslist for a new company in the area.  We decided to check it out and go on an "interview".

We showed up at this kid's house (he was about 20 years old) and he explained to us what he was trying to do. He sounded like he knew what he was doing, but looking back I know now that he had no f*cking clue. The company was going to be having an Opening Party to introduce all of the dancers. It was supposed to be "low key, at his house, with just a few of his friends."

Two days later, we got a Facebook invite for the party, along with 6,000 other people. One of the invitees was my lovely ex who happened to be "the coolest guy in town". Awesome. I was so worried about him being there that I didn't even think about the fact that there could be at least 20 other people there that I knew. I was so excited about dancing for the first time that I didn't care though. I was going to do it anyway.

When we showed up to the party there was one other dancer there. She went by Lo, and she was a lot of fun...in that crazy stripper kind of way. One thing I remember about her dancing was that she would yell sexual things in Spanish when she'd give guys lap dances. Genius. 


There was also about 30 people, including one of my managers at my current waitressing job and a girl I went to high school with who has the biggest mouth in the world. Within 10 minutes of arriving I was getting text messages from random people asking if it was true that I was a stripper...I said no, because technically I wasn't yet.

We went into the "company owner's" bedroom. As he let us in he told us that it was our room for the night and we could do whatever we wanted to in there. Rene joking said, "so good, we can shoot up heroin.**" Lo suggested that we should dress up in cute dresses before going out in lingerie to strip, to warm up the crowd. Rene and I went along with it.

We went out to the room and sat on the guys' laps and chatted them up for about 5-10 minutes. After that we went back to the room to get ready to strip....HERE WE GO! Just then, we hear a banging on the front door. It was the police. They went around carding everyone (and gave out a few underage drinking tickets) and then asked everyone to clear out of the house because they were going to bring the K9 in. Turns out that in the group of 30 people, there were 6 under cover cops (a little overkill?) and had heard Rene's comment about heroin.

Everyone was standing out of the house as the dogs were brought in. I decided to spend my time flirting with the newbie cop...it was the first time these cops had ever seen strippers I'm assuming. The cops finally called us 3 dancers in the house because they had a hit on one of our bags. Turns out the only hit they got was for a LEGAL prescription. They arrested the "company owner" for "selling liqour without a license" (he had charged people $5 at the door to cover the keg and our base pay - he ended up not getting charged with anything in the long run). 

So after most of the people left, including the "company owner", there were about 10 guys left. They asked us if we were still up to do the show and we all were down. It lasted about 45 minutes and I made $110 that night. It was the most fun/crazy night I had ever had (up until that point, that is). After that, I was hooked...WHAT A RUSH!

*Rene was her stripper name of course. I don't want to post her real name because I will eventually tell you some CRAZY stories about her, and of course I don't have her permission :p

**Obviously this makes no sense for strippers...everyone knows the drug of choice is either coke or molly (I've never done either and don't plan on it)

A Little Bit of Research...

One thing that I've been trying to research for a while now is the history of exotic dancing. Due to the secretive lifestyle of the sex industry there is very little on it though. Granted, I haven't done too much work outside the internet on trying to find more information. I guess I have to go a little further...beyond Google and Wikipedia. 


Man, if only my $80,000 college degree in dance would have covered it...just a tad ;)


I think learning history is one of the best ways of understanding the present and the future. I know for sure that exotic dancing has taken a drastic turn in the last 10, 15, 20 years...thank you Motley Crue :p  

Sexy Ballerina

Yes, I'm obsessed with Felix Cane...Why wouldn't I be???

Origins of Pole Dancing?

I don't know exactly where it all started, but I do know whenever I hear people say that men aren't flexible or graceful enough to pole dance I say they're full of sh*t!


True athleticism. I wonder if this is where it all started...

Colors that Matter

In Diary of an Angry Stripper, she mentions that a fellow dancer once told her "the only colors that matter in stripping are clear and black". She added neon to the list.


I'm going to add white, and metallic. White, because nothing says 'stripper virgin' like a white t-back and shoes. And metallic, because well, metallic f*cking rocks. I am currently obsessed with my new chrome shoes with my turquoise metallic two piece outfit...pictures to come soon.

Only a Stripper can Break an ATM

Apparently you can overload an ATM Depository... I broke my bank's ATM the other day. No, I didn't try to put all $300 in 1s all at once.

April Fool's Day

I came in on Sunday and told the girls I was going to change my stage name for the night, they all played along too....I went by Felony (my husband came up with that). Here's a list of the other names for that night:


Viagra
Trojan
The Reverse Cowgirl
Bruce
LaFonda
Mrs. Robinson


Gotta love how strippers entertain themselves. Honestly, I don't think many of the customers even realized...but we thought it was f*cking hilarious.

Highs and Lows

Last night was my new record low. After buying myself dinner, buying a pair of booty shorts from one of the older girls who had quit, and tip out I made a whopping $22! (For those of you interested in the math, that comes out to a little over $3 an hour).


It's all good, some girls last night didn't even make tip out and didn't come home with lime green booty shorts (which I'm totally excited about, btw). And I believe most the other girls spent all their income on booze.


This nice weather we've been having has been killing my income the past week...Seems like people are way less interested in boobies if there are barbecues to attend.

Assholes

The other night is a good example of the type of asshole I hate dealing with....


There I am, dancing to my favorite set of music ("Closer" from Kings of Leon, followed by "Sail" from Awolnation) when these guys sit down at the end of my stage. The first thing that comes out of this kid's mouth was "and what's your degree in?" (with a very condescending tone). I respond "finance" as I pretend to fondle my tits (we're not supposed to really, so we "fake" it). He looks with that smug look that says "yeah, sure".


He's got $1 down at this point, his buddy has $2 and his other friend has nothing in front of him. When I go to the other side of the stage to dance for this nice guy, the as*hole waves his phone in front of me and says "I've been video taping you this whole time" (I knew he wasn't because he had a POS phone that didn't even have a camera on it). I crawl over to him and say "if you want to get kicked out, keep joking around". He then said something as I got up to walk away, but I ignored him. I went and stood at the pole and stared (actually it was more of a glare) at him for the rest of the song. At the end of the set I grabbed my $3 from them and gave them a "thumbs up"*.


Afterward, a dancer told me he said I pissed him off and interrupted him in the middle of a text, and that's why he said that.


A. I did nothing wrong, until he told me he was video taping me. At which point, I did what I should have done and ignored him.
B. I did not interrupt him, because I never started a conversation with him...he started it with me.
C. Why the hell would someone sit at a girls' stage and spend their time texting their buddies? Either they're assholes, are trying to get drugs, or gay...my guess is all three for this guy.


The bouncers spoke to him about harassing the dancers, but he was not asked to leave. Later in the night he said something to one of the other girls and made her cry... he was immediately kicked out. Even though he should have been asked to leave earlier in the night, I'm so grateful for the bouncers at times like these. I gave the bouncer a hug later and said "thank you".


*Giving "thumbs up" is a great way to confuse people that have pissed you off...most people get angry when you flip them off, but when you give a good "thumbs up" they have to idea how to react. I recommend doing this while driving.

Cool Dudes

We meet a lot of people in this business. In fact, this is the best job I've ever had for developing my conversation skills. I am able to get a lot of people to open up and let me know what their lives are like. Sometimes I learn more than I actually want to...like the guy who can't get his girlfriend to pee on him...ICK! Yes, there are a lot of creepers who come to strip clubs, but there are also a lot of amazing people who choose to walk through those tinted doors.


Since I've started working at my current establishment, I've met people from all over the world who do all kinds of jobs. Most of them are more than willing to teach, which is great cause I love to learn. Like the day trader I met, who is helping me working on having another full time income, with minimal time commitment. Or the horror/comedy writer, who gives me tips on how to improve my writing (and for my husband who wants to eventually finish his epic novel). I've also spoken to business owners, doctors, entertainers...the list goes on and on. Who doesn't enjoy decent conversation? Who doesn't enjoy learning something new every day?


So yeah, I gotta deal with a lot more crap than the average Joe...But, I also get a lot more out of this job than I ever have before. Gotta love the Cool Dudes.

Welcome to the Real World

When I first started "dancing" I actually didn't "dance" much, I did private parties. Of course, I only worked on the weekends and started to realize quickly in my "normal job" how messed up the whole stripper lifestyle was. **(Side note: private parties are a whole different ball game than working in a club...like day and night)**

Then after working in a club for just a couple weekends, I moved to Maui...where the closest club was an hour plane ride away. To go dance for the weekend I would have had to make a grand just to break even; which is totally doable...But, after two VERY unsuccessful weekends in clubs previously, I knew it was VERY unlikely that I wouldn't. I wasn't willing to risk safety and that much money.

After a year in Maui, I finally moved to a town that has the perfect club for me. There's little bullshit (compared to other establishments) there. I tried for over a month to find a "real job" and was again, unsuccessful. I decided to make dancing my full time job, and hold very part time jobs to keep up the resume.

So here I am...Currently, I'm making enough money to support my husband and I and only working 4 nights a week. I spend my "free time" working 3 other VERY part time jobs (we're talking a few hours of work a week), practicing writing, working on other long term projects, and of course taking care of a household. My life is pretty f*cking easy compared to a lot of people who are working "real jobs".

In response to people who criticize full time dancers for their lack of work ethic, ambition, or whatever: at least we have the time and the funds to pursue other things in life. It's a means to an end, as cliché as that sounds. I spent almost 10 years working in the "real world", and where did it land me??? At the local gentlemen's club ;)


My goals are so focused now, and I don't think I would have been able to hone in on them if I was still working my "real jobs". I spent too much time focusing on those jobs, and not about the fact that my life generally sucked and I had no time.


So this is my world now...and at this point, I couldn't be happier about it.